“I didn’t get that food for you to eat!”

23 04 2010

What do you see in this picture?

No, it’s not a still-life, even though it kind of came out that way.

In a not-so-biblical way, you may want to call it the “Forbidden Fruit”. Allow me to try and explain, and see if this makes any sense:

Yesterday, my oldest and I were hanging around the kitchen looking for something to eat. Now there is food to be had but we’re trying to do the right thing and stay sort of healthy, so Doritos or a pile of bacon was not on the list. Lo and behold, there are three apples in the bowl on the counter. My daughter picks one up and scampers off to gnaw happily away. I pick up another one and being the creature of habit my parents made me, begin to polish it up on the bottom of my filthy T shirt.

As I walk by the door to my wife’s home office I am halted dead in my tracks by her better-do-what-I-say-because-I’m-not-shitting-you voice.

“You’re not eating that apple! What am I going to have after I go to the gym tomorrow morning?”

So, the apple goes back in the bowl. I find some Ritz crackers with the edges broken off and fold slices of cheese into quarters for some fancy hors d’oeuvres.

Fast forward to this afternoon. Morning workout time has come and gone. The missus is in her office chatting on the phone to a client. One kid on the back deck working on her base tan (it is after all about 60 degrees out) and the other is watching some sort of top model show. Once more I am hungry and prowling through the kitchen for some sustenance.

Jackpot! Leftover pizza in a box in the fridge; I take a bite out of a piece and once again am met with the better-do-what-I-say-because-I’m-not-shitting-you voice, informing me that the pizza is for the oldest child. So, I cut away the evidence of the bite and return it to the fridge.

That’s when I look at the bowl on the countertop. Now remember, yesterday I was told in no uncertain terms that the apples were off limits because somebody needed them for post-workout. Lo and behold, the two apples remain exactly where they were, untouched and unconsumed. I’m told that there are now more apples and I am free to go ahead and have one if I’d like. Go figure.

Anyhow, I don’t feel like having an apple anymore. I think I’ll see if there are any Ritz crackers left.

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